Am I becoming one of those people who only ever talks about how rubbish their life is? I think I am. In fairness, I was already heading that way before daughter became ill.
I remember my Grandad being in hospital with cancer. He had managed to overcome it, but he was a very stubborn person so as soon as he got out of the hospital he tried to ride his motorbike up to his allotment (his passion). He fell off and broke his hip. The cancer set in again. He used to have various visitors as an inpatient, but one lady always used to wind him up. He was very poorly, yet she would sit by his bedside and complain about how bad things were for her. He used to laugh after she'd been. I want to be like him: positive in the face of adversity, and yet I think I am more like her. I am becoming a victim and I don't know how to stop myself.
I'm trying to be more positive, but it is difficult when you feel like you have so little to look forward to, and when things are so uncertain.
I am grateful for my husband. He is lovely and kind and he puts up with a lot of rubbish from me.
I am grateful for my children who are both brilliant, funny and bright.
I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads and enough money to pay the bills.
I am grateful for my family even though they live away from us.
I am grateful that daughter is still here and I am grateful to the medical professionals that have made this possible.
I do have many things to be grateful for. I need to keep reminding myself.
This too shall pass.
It will all come right in the end.