Sunday, 11 December 2011


In my living room I have a sledge, 3 stuffed reindeer, and a small boy in a Santa suit delivering presents to us (his toys wrapped in tea towels he's pinched from the kitchen).  He keeps getting quite cross that the reindeer won't fly.

I think, perhaps, I have built up Christmas a bit much in this house this year...

We are going to have our first ever Christmas at home: me, husband, daughter and son.  I am used to spending it at my parents' house, so it will be a bit of a culture shock.  But I am looking forward to it.  

I think it's because I want to shut my doors and hold my children close and revel in their excitement.

Unfortunately, daughter has to have vincristine (chemo drug) on the Thursday before.  She has this monthly.  It can make her sick; tired; her bones hurt and her mouth gets too sore to eat for a few days.  I'm hoping it will be kinder to her for Christmas, but if it isn't then I will just have to make another Christmas dinner when she feels up to eating it.

I have spent a small fortune on presents.  I can afford it, as in it isn't on hock, but I'm sure the money could have been better saved for times ahead.  I think I have done this because I find it strangely calming, to buy nice things for my children.  This year I've found myself using material things to express love more and more frequently, as if buying daughter a book or a DVD will paper over the cracks caused by illness, will make her feel better.  This isn't to say we aren't tactile.  I hug my children all the time.

During a year like this, they need it.

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